'sodomy changes shit..'
(Ray Romano, The Last Word)

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

untamed awards 2009

The year that hasn't finished yet has come to an end, because not many new releases will be watched by me in these last five weeks. There has been a significant drop in quantity, from over three hundred in 2008 to sixty percent of that in 2009, so luckily all went according to plan. It feels okay to not be able to recommend an overload of unknown titles anymore, to really take it easy and definitely not indulge in snobbery. Let's just rush rush for an quick overview of the year that was totally owned by women and dogs. Yes, you heard it here first: bitches and flea bags are taking over the world! Oh fuck me gently, just when I decided to only be soft and sweet for the rest of my life, it's ruined already.

Now that we're in a crappy mood, let's discuss bad movies! There were hardly any stinkeroos, loads of disappointments around though. Just to name a couple: Adventureland, Vinyan, Sunshine Cleaning, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Yes Man, District 9, The Children, The Secret of Moonacre, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Rachel Getting Married, Pineapple Express, He's Just Not That into You, Valkyrie, Frozen River, Watchmen, while not extremely terrible, all failed to click. I'm not going to explain choices here, because most of these films and performances will be mentioned in the upcoming review of the decade. Most people will probably only glance over the lists anyway and keep on disagreeing regardless of my philosophical babble. I could start telling about general apathy when it comes to crime, action and other overrated male things, but that would be stating the obvious. So veni vidi vici, idi i smotri, keep your pants on, here are the first movie awards in the history of this website.
 

director: Lukas Moodysson (Mammoth) boy: Johann Hillmann (Blöde Mütze!) girl: Dakota Fanning (Hound Dog) adrenaline: 2012 animation: Mary and Max costumes: Bright Star feelgood: Last Chance Harvey gem: World's Greatest Dad gore: Martyrs sex: MollyCam music: Girls Rock! and Ladytron in Mammoth song: Patrick Swayze - She's Like the Wind in (500) Days of Summer person of the year: Michelle Williams weirdest experience of the year: S. Darko

And then there's nothing left but the finest list of all: the ten best films of the year! Most intriguing overall conclusion is that going outside to watch movies definitely is becoming a thing of the past: I saw only two of these at the cinemas, where more than half used to be the standard. The top six all were home viewings, partly because of availability, partly because of comfort. Horror, I can do without pubescent boys. Drama usually ends up on the big screen months or even years after its dvd or online release, legality optional. Some films seem to exist in digital form only. And I sincerely enjoy being a recluse, nullifying the other poor excuses. That's enough chitchat, here is a delightful mix of beautiful pictures invoking many different emotions, the cream of the crop in 2009. It has been a modest year, for all the right reasons.

10. Revolutionary Road  (Sam Mendes)
Of course Kate Winslet should've received her Oscar for this one, it doesn't
even matter which movie is the best overall. In fact, Revolutionary Road is
a far from perfect love drama, but it's just such a darn pleasure to watch.
 

9. The Most Distant Course  (Zui yao yuan de ju li, Jing-Jie Lin)
This little Taiwanese gem suddenly washed up on the art house shore, after two
years of drifting. A girl goes looking for the source of sound recordings, without
him knowing. Slowly and dreamy, these paths of broken hearts are crossing.
 

8. Paranormal Activity  (Oren Peli)
Another film from 2007, but this one totally cracked box office, Blair Witch style.
Poltergeist meets Exorcist with a handheld cam, it resulted in sleeping with the
lights on. Magnificent slow buildup, all clichés still work. Like a slamming door.
 

7. Mammoth  (Lukas Moodysson)
From local nihilism to worldwide feelgood, this director knows and does it all. Private
battles between east and west, seduction and forgiveness, an age old creature on a
chain: Mammoth is huge, but in the end it just makes you want to grab loved ones.
 

6. Fish Tank  (Andrea Arnold)
This is a film Mike Leigh probably wishes he'd made: grey UK through the eyes
of a magnificent lead. It's the small life, small wishes, lots of shattered hope
and even more coming-of-age, by a loud mouth dancer with a heart of gold.
 

5. Marley & Me  (David Frankel)
Surprise of the year, feelgood at its most complete and highly tearjerking.
Meet a man, his family and his dog, all those years together, sharing fun
and grief. A superbly enjoyable piece of manipulative sentiment, it's real.
 

4. Mary and Max  (Adam Elliot)
Spread the word, preferably written by hand or typewriter: Australian claymation
Mary and Max is sweet, lovely, adorable and funny, filled with cute little things!
It inspires the creation of friendships, crossing all distance and age boundaries.
 

3. Forbidden Fruit  (Kielletty hedelmä, Dome Karukoski)
Oh, the joy of liking a movie at first, then slowly starting to love it. Fragile Finnish
fairies travel to the big city: one rebellious, one tender, both religious. Their
discovery of art and love should come in small steps, softness is the key.
 

2. Martyrs  (Pascal Laugier)
Sit down on a knife, keep spinning and spinning, then wonder why the hell you're still
alive, that's what Martyrs feels like. Far from entertainment torture, these severely
traumatized young women are supposed to expose the meaning of life. And death.
 

1. Wendy and Lucy  (Kelly Reichardt)
Social criticism never was this calm, without losing sight of the hopelessness.
A girl and her dog slowly hum into an uncertain future, only to get stuck in
finances, rules and regulations. Still though, some folks are really friendly.


'maybe the happy ending is just.. moving on..'
(Ginnifer Goodwin, He's Just Not That into You)
 

(Menni, untamed.nl 2009)